Sniff Petrol

Yes indeed my friends, the rate of updates on this website may lead you to believe that Sniff Petrol is a right idle twat but fear not, there has been a small amount of getting-off-arse action, as evinced by the brand new episode of Gareth Jones On Speed (featuring an unshiftable stench of Sniff Petrol).

This edition features the F1 cool fuel debate, Hamilton moving to Switzerland plus an exclusive recording of an F1 script meeting and an advert for McLaren F1’s new driver experience weekend. Oh, and a tribute to that excellent Scroobius Pip record which you might not have heard but which you almost certainly should.

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• Really likes Toblerone

• Keen interest in Nazi gold

• Wishes local shop had wider selection of pen knives

• Eager to borrow lawnmower off Michael Schumacher

• Surprisingly into oompah music

• Finds flag design pleasantly simple

• Desperate to use GCSE in Romansh

• Wishes wall clock had telescopic wooden bird in it

• Dreams of bumping into Phil Collins

• Considers Stevenage ‘too exciting’

• Massive fan of Heidi

• Hoping Ron will now call before he comes round

There was almost no shock whatsoever in Formula 1 this week with news that the FIA is to investigate Renault for spying. According to a man who was speaking next to the FIA building, ‘Following a tip off from an anonymous source in the Modena region of Italy we are looking in to claims that Renault Formula 1 have contravened the rules of the sport and may be docked points both for utilising illegally acquired data and for competing in a car that wasn’t red’. The speakersman refused to give any more details has he had to rush off ‘to give Jean Todt a back massage’.

However, some F1 insiders have already hinted that Renault may not be the last team to become embroiled in an embarrassing and ultimately costly McLaren-style scandal. High ranking sources are suggesting that it is only a matter of days until every other F1 team is called up on spying charges, except Ferrari who have of course never cheated at anything. Already, in the paddock (the special off season one that all teams assemble in when there’s no racing so as to allow sentences like this) rumours are circulating that Williams may have been using data from BMW, that BMW may have been using data from Toyota, that Toyota may have been using data from Torro Rosso, that Torro Rosso may have been using data from Super Aguri, that Super Aguri may have been using data from Spyker, that Spyker may have been using data from Red Bull, that Red Bull may have been using data from Honda and that Honda may have been using data from the 1991 Leyton House team, but upside down so that none of it worked properly.

If these rumours are proved to be true the FIA may be forced to minimise the damage to F1 by bringing this whole affair to a sharp and definite conclusion, a view shared by one senior junior. ‘One way of doing this would be simply to say that all teams are forbidden from scoring points until 2025, except Ferrari’ he admitted. ‘Frankly, it would be a lot more straightforward than the original way they were going to use to get that rule introduced’.

Oh yes, Gareth Jones On Speed episode 41 (featuring a strong whiff of Sniff Petrol) is now electrically poised to amuse your MP3 player or that iPhone you’re frantically trying to justify queuing up all night in the pissing cold to buy.

This one’s sort of about future technology, featuring a brief canter around future tech from Mazda and BMW, the Mitsubishi i, an anti-4×4 song by Elvin Costello and the Distractions and the discovery a really green SUV. Download it now or Gareth “That Gaz Top Off The Telly” Jones will come round your house to back-comb, crimp and spray your hair.

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