Sniff Petrol is delighted to welcome F1 pundit Eddie Jordan as this month’s guest agony aunt.
Dear Eddie, I met my husband five years ago and we got married last year. Ever since we first met we have always spent Christmas with his parents. However, this year I think it only fair that we spend it with my family instead. He is an only child from a close-knit family and I’m looking for some advice about how best to tackle this delicate discussion. I hope you can help. Vaginal Spray, Grinning
Eddie replies: That’s a good question and not an uncommon one. Yes, running an F1 team is very expensive, you know, let’s not kid ourselves otherwise, but I want to say that when I was running Jordan you know I did a great job of it and I remember that Enzo Ferrari once said to me, ‘Eddie, you’re doing a brilliant job’, and I suppose in a way what I did at Jordan was you know in a way really brilliant, which I’ll say right now was down to my skill and also my brilliance.
Dear Eddie, I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost three years but she is still very close to her ex-boyfriend. He’s a nice guy but I can’t help feeling jealous that she still talks to him regularly and that they often meet for coffee or a meal. Is it wrong to have these feelings of resentment? Ransom Plisp, Grasping
Eddie replies: You know, that reminds me of when I was running my own Formula 1 team and we got our first victory at Spa in 1998, and I remember at the time that a lot of people said to me what a brilliant team boss I was, and it can be very hard you know when you’re in that position to just come out and agree with what people are saying, but I never had any trouble and I’ll tell you right now why that is; it’s because, first and foremost, I was brilliant, and because of that I was able to see how brilliant I was at being just great.
Dear Eddie, My eldest son has just turned five years old and is at an age where I believe it is important that he understands the difference between right and wrong. My husband and I are not religious people and have no desire to engender in our son a ‘faith’ or believe in a higher power but how best do you think we should ensure that he has a strong moral code? Stabvest Lungplatter, Grunting
Eddie replies: I suppose my greatest achievement was running a top flight Formula 1 team for 14 years and you know that isn’t as easy as some might think, unless you’ve got the skill and the brilliance to achieve that which, and I can say this now, thankfully I did, and I suppose that’s why we were so important to F1 right from 1991 when I had the fantastic idea of entering F1 right up until 2005 when I decided that Jordan Racing should not continue in F1 in its current form, and you know the reasons for that are pretty clear and it was that we had done our job, we had basically re-invented F1 and rescued it in a way and I suppose really that was all down to me because there weren’t really, and I would still aren’t really, any people as great as me in the sport, maybe even you know in the whole world.
For quickly forgotten reasons probably related to attempting to be more like Stephen Fry, Sniff Petrol has signed up to Twitter and is now burping irrelevant car-related toss of 140 characters or less into the netospace. This seems to have gone down quite well so far, especially the ‘live coverage’ of Grand Prix so why not sign up so that you too can say “Well the lazy fucker hasn’t bothered to write another proper issue, but at least I’ve got some dismally ill-considered sentences on this silly fad feed to keep me going”. Use your clickery skills here to 
